apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i now understand why vodka
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
