i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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