i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize