I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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