this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we should paint friendship bongs
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