I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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