What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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