I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
