I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
