"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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