Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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