I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
