So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
