I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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