Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
a search helicopter?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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