I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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