Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
