does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
