I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
