that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
