why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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