I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
