Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Quick, to the slutcave!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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