Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
