so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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