Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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