i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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