Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
