No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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