No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
