ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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