If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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