party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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