literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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