the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
