Your face is a jimmy john
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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