fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
