Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
