I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I sprained my soul last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
