She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
40s are totally the cure
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
