Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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