I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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