I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
