The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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