i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
