with your own penis?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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