Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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