does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
