I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
