my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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