i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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