Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
