yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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