East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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