He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
