Cold hands, warm shart.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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