he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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