we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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