woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
