Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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