i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My bed smells like the plague
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
