My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
