Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
