Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
