You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
