Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
