Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
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Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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