put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
