he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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