Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
