I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
