We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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