you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
try to milk me bitch
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