And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
