He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
